Relationship RX

The Nest's Noticings for the Week...

Favorite Product: Original Sprout Baby Body Wash and Shampoo
Parenting Resource or Tip:  Today we referenced the book: "How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids" a lot in our discussion!!
Baby Signs to Use: Mom, Dad, Love
Baby Songs to Sing:  Mary Had a Little Lamb, You are my Sunshine
Developmental Play Tip: Babies can see well in color around 5 months. We know that young babies are most attracted to and interested in visual stimuli that is highly contrasting (like black and white stripes). Developmental play idea: Print out high contrast images and use them to help entertain your baby during times that they often get upset – while diaper changing, tummy time, in the car, etc.

Today's Topic:  RELATIONSHIP RX

Thank you for being so open and honest in class this week! We talked about SO much that is truly impossible to incapsulate in bullet points on a recap, but here are just a few of the major discussion points.

Specific strategies that we talked about trying out to help make our marriage after baby stronger were:

  • Zero Negativity Challenge - 30 day program - but we agreed even trying these for 3 days, or 1, would be helpful!
  • Coordinate schedules. Maybe assign each partner one evening per week as “their time” to be able to get together with friends, get hair done, etc.
  • Think of your weekend as seven units of time - intentionally block out a unit for leisure
  • Sex - like the Nike slogan - “just do it” ;)
  • Eliminate every instance of “decision fatigue”. (Ex. Have the same dinners every week)
  • Say thank you a lot.
  • Greet your partner when they come home with a smile and look them in the eyes.
  • Ask specifically for what you need.
  • Don't criticize the way your partner does chores - ask for help with the things that you think they'll do well!

Here are some of the big take-aways we talked about from "How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids" - I typed these directly from the book:

  • He can’t read your mind - communicate more directly. Men are more direct in speech than women within the context of relationships - 26% of men who were served divorce papers didn’t see it coming.
  • Stop complaining and ask clearly for what you want - have intentional conversations - be affectionate though unmovable - your husband isn’t helping or doing you a favor by helping with the house/kids, this is an even exchange of services. State the problem in a neutral way and appeal to his sense of fair play. Request, don’t demand, and use the magic word, “because”.
  • You don’t always have to eat the broken crackers
  • If a fight is brewing start with “I Statements"
  • Treating your spouse with consideration does not mean you are “caving”
  • Say thank you and say it often
  • Divest yourself of the “story you are making up”.
  • Kids can see you fight if you do it fairly.
  • Know that no matter what you and your spouse tell yourselves, your child is affected by your arguing. Period
  • Couples counseling is not always, in the words of my father, “a bunch a crap.”